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Lost in my life

Who is this man? This is not the young man I always know

I walked into my favorite classic bar, lonely, slowly take a seat at the lounge. The young bartender smiled, asked me how's it going.

- "Martini", didn't wanna talk, I said.

A few mins later, he brought me a Dry Gin Martini garnished with a slice of yellow lemon peel, no twisting, like usual. I lit a cigar, took a sip, started thinking about everything happened.

I used to be very poor, as poor as couldn't buy myself a shoe but always be positive, optimistic, conscious, brave, confident... at any case, no matter what, no matter when, nothing could beat my spirit. It was the one who helped me gaining some small successes.

The current me is different. That's the young man who can buy anything he wants but he doesn't wanna buy anything because there's nothing make he feels interested.

I fell into stress and depression and had to get treatment by medicines, those shits helped but made me silly and dumb as fuck. I lost my definition, destiny, target. I was lost in my own life and ruining it.

I started thinking about the girl I love the most. That's a pain. We used to believe that we found the correct pieces of our life, it was a fate and nothing could make us fell apart. But now the truth is nothing can make us together again even though we still love each other. I lost the girl I loved the most, she lost the man she loved the most.

Can love bear too much pains from stupid mistakes? What if we can go back in past and fix all?

But "if" is just a pain that we can only suffer.


Next post: The warm bulb lights behind the window